"Sometimes we're so focused on where we're going
we forget how far we've come."
~ Sarah Stufflebeam
Yeah, I just quoted myself, and I'm sure someone else has said this too, but it's a thought and feeling that keeps running through my mind. And this thought came to me after my wild escapades trying to learn French.
You see, Monsieur français et moi have never been on very good speaking terms.
Back in High School I took French for two years and didn't really learn much of the language, besides "ananas" meaning pineapple and the life history of my teacher. Then at BYU, for my Bachelors of Arts: Music degree, I was required to take another two years in French. This time I did learn something, but so overwhelmed I was in my music studies French suffered a little, and I managed a happy C- in both French 102 and 201. I was really discouraged, overwhelmed, and terrified for the upcoming 202 class.
These fears didn't soften at all on the first day. By 202 the professor speaks entirely in French (well, they really start you in on that in 101, but the vocabulary is so much richer), but that's not what startled me. My fellow classmates were also speaking fluent French as well! And I was still tripping over verb conjugations and tenses. This went on for some time, with a couple other students freaked out like I was, until we realized all those other students were returned missionaries.
Technically returned missionaries aren't supposed to take 202, but are supposed to start right in on the French 300 and above classes, but somehow many of them snuck into the class. This didn't help my confedence any, but I did all the extra credit, and was studying between 2-4 hours a day, on top of my intense music training. Somehow I pulled an A- out of the hat after the final. I earned it, but I was so discouraged by my fellow classmates, never managing to speak easily in the language, that I didn't feel I deserved this.
Of course after graduation I completely let French go, and have now forgotten most of it. I still really want to be fluent! So I've been going through my books and dictionaries, and I'm going to start at the basics and really learn this time. Third times the charm! But as I go through books, or hear a piece of French in a movie that I'm able to translate, I know it's still in my brain, and I realize how much I really did learn. I was so busy comparing myself to others that I didn't realize how far I had come.
And now, instead of focusing on becoming fluent, I'm going to have fun and rejoice over every little grammer fact and memorized vocab, because each step is a step towards my goal. And going forward, albeit at a slow pace, is better then not moving at all.
Sarah