Searching For Peace and Purpose

This will be a quickie because I'm not feeling the greatest.  Woke up yesterday morning with a crazy hunger feeling I couldn't quash, took me an hour to eat steal cut oats and cottage cheese, and then threw it up.  Heh, -_-;;  Needless to say I've been resting and didn't walk my planned miles.  Oh, life...

But this has been a crazy week, not to be redundant.  Just a real wrestling with my spirit.  I considered once again serving a mission, which I haven't contemplated in years, but ultimately realized how much I want to get back to working on the arts, and that's okay.

Even so, my insecurities were running miles high.  I called up my brother Michael and asked if we could postpone recording the episode we were working on.  Goodness, he's amazing.  I suppress a lot of emotion, because I don't like burdening people, and prefer to work on things alone, but as I talked with him my emotional gates opened up on things I was contemplating and other things I was battling, and he was completely understanding a patient. 

And I don't have the opening song composed for the podcast, and it only has to be a few seconds!  But I turned on the computer, opened the program, and discovered some of the instruments need to be re-authorized, which I can't do, so my brother Steven will come over next week to help me with that, because I can't figure it out.  I was just really being hard on myself, because I got my degree in Music, and I've forgotten sooooo much.  It's embarrassing.  So I just need to humble myself and get back to the basics.  Face my fears.

So that's some of the things I was dealing with last week.  It's a process.  But this I do know, I do love music.  I'm singing again, and it feels nice.  And I want to be a creative.  I want to tell stories.  Next month is Nanowrimo, and I'm totally doing it.  We all fight our demons.  I fought with one this last week, and survived with a renewed purpose of heart.  No matter what, I will remain hopeful for the future.

"Don't get overwhelmed.  Just do the small things as perfectly as you can, and the big things will fall into place." Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf