I've been wanting to write this blog post for a week, but the words haven't come, though this has been on my mind.
The Media.
Beauty.
Photoshop.
Fake.
Lies.
Control.
All these words and more.
And the wonderment of "Why?" Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow popular culture to dictate how we feel about ourselves? How we should dress? How we feel if a dress size or number on a scale is too large? Why?
I'm tired of it.
Just. Plain. Tired.
And I'm getting off the crazy train and taking back beauty.
At least how I feel beauty should be seen and understood.
So what's the problem, anyway? History, I think, is a part of it. A long track record of torture. Corsets squeezing women's waists, squeezing organs and breath support. Hoop skirts. Butt pads via the Victorian age. Shoulder pads during the 80's. The non-curve look of the 20's, then the curves of the 40's/50's (if we only stayed that way), and back to boyish non-curves thanks to Twiggy. Etc, etc, etc, etc. Ups and downs. Changes. Then back.
And at one point it was fashionable for guys to wear wigs, powder their faces, put on tights, and wear high healed shoes.
And then news came out this last week about a new plus size model Calvin Klein is using named Myla Dalbesio, who is a US size 8/10, with measurements 38" 31" 42". She is considered Plus-Size.
Plus-Size!!??
She's healthy and normal.
Not plus-size.
To put this into perspective Marilyn Monroe, who people like to claim was a size 16, was 5 feet, 5½ inches, weighed 118-140 pounds, with a bust: 35-37 inches, waist: 22-23 inches, hips: 35-36 inches, and bra size: 36D during her career. (She was a vintage size 16. No size 16 today has a waist between 22-23 inches. I know. I'm currently a size 16 via Lane Bryant size standers.)
And then, after all this, actresses and models, who are already deemed the cream of the crop, aren't even perfect enough, because they are constantly being Photoshopped in magazines and print adds. And then the other day I found out that some celebrities even Photoshop their Instagram photos, which are supposed to give an air of realistic spontaneity, Beyonce, Kim Kardashain in the mix.
I'm tired of it.
Tired of an industry telling me what's beautiful and what's not, and then manipulating reality even more, skewing our own idea of beauty.
I did, many years ago, get down to a size 8, a really healthy size 8, and even then I felt fat and that I needed to lose more weight. I have an Aunt who is my height, and she's always complaining how she's around 125 pounds, but needs to lose weight because she only feels good at 118. No matter how many times we tell her she looks good and her current weight is great, she doesn't believe us, and then continues to degrade herself. I understand that mindset. I've tricked myself into thinking this same way.
Goodness, even just a couple years ago when I had lost some weight and was in the upper 150's lower 160's I felt fat. I was super hard on myself. Goodness, with where I am now, still weighing in the 190's, I can't wait to lose just 30 pounds. How GOOD that will feel. Never, never again will I be hard on myself.
And yes, even now I can't be hard on myself. Do I need to work towards positive goals and better health? Yes. But my life is a gift. This body is a gift. I will no longer be hard on myself and take any accomplishment, and who I am, for granted.
I'm beautiful.
Beautiful.
I may not be Hollywood beautiful, but that no longer matters, because I know I'm beautiful.
I love my eyes, how they are the color of the Earth (grey-blue with gold, sometimes looking green, with 1/6th of my left eye brown), love the half-heart shape of my ears, and how I have the energy to move and be with those I love.
Beautiful.
I read a quote on Twitter the other day that said:
"A pretty face gets old . . . A nice body will change, but a good woman will always be a good woman."
I'm not perfect, but I'm a good person. I love those around me. I try hard, even though it feels like I'm constantly failing, but I pick myself up and try again. I put my family first, and I love helping people when I can.
To the World these qualities may not be seen as "beautiful," but I know these things make me beautiful.
And I'm so glad to be me :0)
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