Well, what a crazy time we're living in, right?
In other news I've lost... 9.7 pounds from my highest!!! :D Almost ten. Close enough. And two inches from my waist. I'm pre-2020 weight!!!
Heh, I did have sugar. Didn't make it to January 1st, but I did make it a whole seven weeks, which is an accomplishment. I plateaued for several weeks, so I realized I needed to give my body a break. For a whole week I didn't walk and allowed myself sweets, and the next week, a couple days ago, fearing for the worst at my latest weigh in I ended up losing two pounds! Now, could it be from loss of muscle? Maybe. Or maybe the loss of stressing had a positive effect. Also possible.
So, yeah.
But I also realized something startling. Earlier this year I mentioned how my lungs have been affected by two respiratory illnesses I had in 2019 of unknown origin. In May I finally went to the doctor to address my squeezed lungs and coughing. I was put on Montelukast. I've been struggling all Summer and Autumn with depression and dark thoughts, plus having a hard time sleeping at night feeling unsettled and a dark creepy feeling, needing at times a nightlight and calming music to help me sleep.
I got this really strong feeling to stop taking my medication. After two weeks I noticed that those night time feelings have gone away, and I was suddenly sleeping much easier. No longer needing a nightlight and no longer getting that dark presence feeling.
Well, I finally looked up my medicine and found this: "FDA strengthens warning about mental health side effects linked to montelukast." And then in another article, "Those taking montelukast who exhibit mood changing behaviors should immediately report symptoms to a healthcare provider. These can include bad or vivid dreams, depression, disorientation or confusion, feeling anxious, hallucinations, irritability, restlessness, stuttering, and uncontrolled muscle movements."
It's frustrating. Apparently it really affects kids, but also affects adults. So, it's really hard not getting really upset, wondering "was it the drug all this time that ramped up my self loathing and feelings of worthlessness? That was creeping me out at night and making it difficult to sleep? Or is it all in my imagination?" I'm sleeping better now, but still battling dark thoughts, but they are easing. Really, I'm just feeling numb.
And since I've given up this lung medication my squeezed lungs and coughing has returned. It's not as bad as earlier this year, but still a bother. I don't want to go to the doctor, so I'm going the natural route to see if that can help. I hate breathing in a feeling of pressure, afraid to cough and irritate my throat, which then affects my singing. But it is what it is right now. I'm just figuring this out as I go along. Those illnesses last year did it to me, so hopefully my lungs will eventually heal from all that trauma.
Well, I'm getting myself back and figuring things out. Yesterday I found "The Power of Starting Something Stupid" by Richie Norton on my bookshelf. Got it eons ago and forgot all about it, never read it, but the book's spine jumped out at me, and I knew it was time for it to be in my life. Already on page 49, and what have I learned thus far? I've been living in a holding, waiting pattern way too long. Need to stop that.
President Russell M. Nelson uploaded a video yesterday, "On the Healing Power of Gratitude." He challenged everyone to write on social media everyday for a week something we are grateful for. I'm really not active at all on social media, but I have this blog I've yet to abandon, so starting tomorrow, everyday for a week, I will write about something I'm thankful for.
Until next time, Truth Will Out,
Sarah
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