For Starters... I don't turn 40 until Spring of 2021. Okay, so, for all intents and purposes, I'm still in my 30's until that time. I'm hanging on as long as I can, baby!!!
But, boy oh boy, that number is looming ever closer, and I'm feeling it.
What I'm mainly feeling are regrets. Wishing I was more social and put myself out there. That I didn't let shyness and bashfulness win. That I wasn't afraid to be myself around strangers, letting my sense of humor out more often. I've been hiding, and I can't blame the pandemic. I've been doing this to myself for well over a decade. Dang, if I knew what I know now I'd tell my younger self to take more chances and believe. Maybe I'd be married with kids. I always wanted kids. I always wanted to be a Mom. But life is stupid sometimes, and we got to roll with the stupid and make the best with what we've got.
There's all these little things I've been meaning to do, and I talk about it, write about it, and then time passes without a well orchestrated plan.
What, with what's within my control, would I like to accomplish before my 40th b-day? More importantly, what do I want to learn?
I've stopped and started the guitar so many times. Took private lessons twice, but didn't last long. I took a group guitar class at a community college in California, circa 2000, but the class kept getting canceled thanks to spontaneous brown outs, so I withdrew the class. Then I've attempted multiple times to self study, but that falls apart. Anywho, quite sometime ago my Mom got a Keith Urban guitar method complete with a guitar and DVD's from the mail after watching an early morning infomercial. It's one of those 30 day programs. I'm going to do it! And then go from there. Get those chords learned.
I also want to start drawing. I've already talked about this before, and still haven't started. -_-;; But I bought all these books last year during quarantine, and then I got intermediated and they're just sitting there. To start off I'm going to focus on the 30 day program.
Before I'm 40 I want to submit a short story into a writing competition. Another thing I keep meaning to do! And then don't! I'm sticking to Fantasy/Science Fiction (Shocker :P), and there's plenty of opportunity. Write, polish, submit, and don't overthink. What will be will be, but I need to take that step. Just take that first step. Honestly I want to master the art of short fiction, and along with that is turning Creative Playbook Podcast ideas into short fiction, but these will be independently published.
I'd like to have a book published as well, but Spring might be too soon. I have so many ideas, but there's this one silly book that is attacking my brain. Okay, more importantly there's this character. He has the loudest voice! I have a lot of characters, and they all stay in their respective stories, and this character is no different, but every now and then I hear him saying stuff within his story context, and, well, he wants to come out. So I'm going to work on this story. It's just, it's going to be a little silly, and that's all I'm going to say about that.
But also, embarrassing to admit, I've also always wanted to do a Disney film, record and sing and stuff. That's not going to happen, lets face it. But I'm a creator. Every time I listen to Disney music I wonder if I could do that. Do I have the kind of talent to create music that is so distinctive? That makes people want to sing? I have two stage musical ideas. One is a full jazz/swing musical, and I have a few songs written for that. The second lends itself to a more Disney style. I have so many projects. So many ideas. And I'm already not good at utilizing my time. Kind of like my debate between Japanese/Spanish/French, I feel like I need to pick one. These kind of things take years, and I'm not getting any younger. I want to perform these musicals. Take them to a local theater and see if anyone is willing to take a chance on it, and let me star. 0_0 Tall order. But I'm writing the script, music, arrangement, and lyrics. I just need to know I can do it, and it's got to stop living in my head. My head is so full. And I miss performing. Really miss it.
And then there's my music overall. I keep wanting to lose weight, and then get YouTube going again. I know that's stupid, but I have a lot of insecurities about my weight. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm working on this aspect, and my self esteem. I've been really thinking about music. Cerulean Jade, the duo I had with my brother Steven, is on hold for awhile, so this music will be under my name. I'm thinking of two channels, one for instrumentals and the other for my vocals. Honestly I don't know how long this will take, because I keep giving dates to things and then don't meet them, but before Spring it's my goal to have both channels up.
That's good for now!!!!
That's enough.
There's some good things there to work on, and if I tackle all these things I can approach this next decade of my life with confidence and hope. I'm happiest when I'm creating. But I'm more happy when the things I create are finished and they can be shared.
It's time.
Sarah
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