Look for the Sunlight through the Clouds

 (Another oldie but goodie photograph I found from yesteryear)

"Look for the sunlight through the clouds.  Opportunities will eventually open to you." ~ Gordon B. Hinkley

 and...

"Every one of us has a potential we can scarcely imagine." ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

These two quotes almost have a fortune cookie feel to them.  That burst of sunshine that brings hope.  You wonder if they're at all meant for you, or maybe these cookies were meant for someone else?  Even so, it's good to be hopeful.  Why not believe good is around the corner?  That there is sunshine after rain?  Sun behind the clouds?  And we can find the sun.

We all have potential.  Vast, great potential.  Maybe you've realized yours.  Maybe you're still discovering.  But I believe we all have untapped opportunities and talents buried within us all.  It's not something to be overwhelmed by, but to be excitedly discovered.  We all have buried treasure to seek, dig, refine, and purify.  Isn't that exciting?  Ha!  I'm going treasure hunting.

Happy digging!

The future is bright and beautiful. 

Holding My Heritage

I've decided to take up art, which is part of embracing this time in my life.  Give it a try.  The only drawing experience I have is a class in Middle School and High School.  Not much.  Maybe sometime this Summer I'll share those HS drawings, which show potential, but I never did anything with it after the fact.  My Mom and one of my brothers are artists, and I have extended family on both sides who are artist.  It's just something I've wanted to do, but felt intimidated by.

To start off I'm focusing on drawing/sketching and color theory before delving into Watercolor.  (Acrylic and oils can wait).  But while searching through books to study on Amazon I came across Celtic Art: The Methods of Construction by George Bain.  According to Ancestry DNA I'm 49% Irish/Scot.  The rest of me is a mixture of Anglo Saxon/German/Scandinavia.  This book retails for $18.95, but Amazon had it listed for $10.76, containing 160 pages and originally published in 1973.  Yesterday it came in the mail, and after flipping through the pages all I've got to say is, "Wow."  It's so cool.  Love the bits of history. Celtic Art is filled with so many pictures and diagrams, which will always be timeless.  They're just fun to look at.

Below are sample pages.

I'm going to have so much fun trying to draw these designs.

Thoughts About Age

Why is it you can never ask a women her age?

This has seriously been something I've been thinking about for the last few years.  My Mom and I met someone during our first trip to the British Isles.  It was a tour, and our host merely hinted at her age, referencing some event, making it seem like she could've been around my Mom's age, but she wouldn't tell us directly how old she was.  We told our ages and shrugged it off, but respected her silence on the issue.

Mind, I don't ask people their age when first meeting them as many do consider it rude.  Still, we should wear our age as a badge of honor. 

Recently I tuned 38.  Yes, thirty-eight.  It's really weird writing that out!  Wow.  Perhaps this means I'm officially a late thirty something?  No longer able to claim mid-thirties?  0_0  At what point does that end?  But it is what it is.  This is my age.  This is how many years I've lived on Earth.  My full rotations around the sun.  That means something.  It means I have a taste of the nineteen-eighties with memories here and there.  That I remember a time before the internet and digital technology.  I was in college during 9-11.  Etc.  Granted, there are years I wasted.  So many things I could have done better.  But there are also successes.  Triumphant moments.  Trials I've conquered.  These years are my life story.  These years make me who I am.  The good and the bad.

Shouldn't we be proud of our age?  Shouldn't we be proud of the stories we're able to tell?  The experiences we've lived through?  What we've witnessed?  What we've overcome? 

Maybe it's because I've always been fascinated by the stories of those who've come before, namely my family.  Asking my Grandparents the different ways they experienced the great-depression.  Hearing my Dad talk about the moon landing.  Some stories are humbling and some stories are fun.

Yes, I'm overwhelmed by regret, but I'm also hopeful for the future.  Regardless of everything happening right now, I'm leaning on hope.  I'm determined not to lose it.

We all have stories to tell.  And we all have stories yet to create.

Believe in Miracles

"Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost.  Hope is never lost." ~ Jeffrey R. Holland

Just a nice little thought to start the weekend.  I hope everyone is doing well.  Remember to never lose hope, no matter what you are battling.

(The above picture is several years old, found on a recently discovered thumb drive that was lost.  It's already been shared somewhere on this blog, but I wanted to share again.  Brings back memories. :0)

Eating Disney Magic At Home: Mickey Bars

I don't think I'm alone when it comes to missing the Disney parks.

There's a lot of unknowns to when the U.S. parks will open and what they will look like in terms of operation, until then there's a little Disney magic that can be eaten at home.  Chocolate covered Mickey Mouse bars with vanilla ice-cream.  They are so tasty.  Honestly, the ice-cream is really creamy.

I just realized something... bear with me.  When the lock-downs began last March my Mom managed to buy a box.  It said that it was a 90th Anniversary, limited edition.  I didn't even know Mickey Bars were available for home purchase (so, honestly, I haven't a clue how long they've been in grocery stores).  The above pictured box is from WinCo, the bottom from Walmart, both of which don't mention 90th anniversary or limited edition. [Edit: I was wrong, looking at this blog post again.  The WinCo box clearly has the 90th anniversary on it, whereas Walmart does not, so maybe they will stick around?  Limited Edition isn't printed on the Walmart box.]  Are these going to be a regularly available item?  I sure hope so.  Honestly don't know.

Individually the bars are $2.50 for a single and $6.48 for a box of 6.

If you're missing the Disney parks and love Mickey Bars it's worth checking out the freezer section of your grocery store to see if they have them.  Everything's been a little crazy due to so many things, so hopefully they're available, and hopefully they stick around.  These are my new favorite ice-cream snack.

(Apparently these have been out for over a year!!  I'm so late to the party!  Better late than never, right? :P )

I'm Not Into Collecting Funko Pop!, But I Had to Get These Two Cuties: Stitch and Leo

 

 It seems Funko Pop! collecting is kind of a big deal, though I haven't been into it.  Funko Pop figures have their cuteness and seem to be everywhere, but I just haven't had the desire to get into collecting them.

A couple weeks ago I had to order these two cuties!!

The Stitch one I knew of from the Box Lunch Facebook page, but forgot about due to all the craziness in the World.  And then the Leonardo Da Vinci Pop figure popped up as an advertisement.  It's the first time an advertisement got me to buy something!  But oh my goodness, Leo is so cute, and he's one of my favorite historical figures.  Leonardo Da Vinci is so fascinating as a person.  His creativity was off the chart.

 Come on!!!!

Stitch is seriously the cutest!

Isn't this figure simply adorable?

Yes, yes it is.

I love him so. :0)

And Leo!!

I love the fact this Leonardo Da Vinci figure is holding paintbrushes and papers of his sketches.  Several years ago I got to see pages of his sketches in person at the Getty Museum in LA, and they were so amazing.

Leo will be my creative muse. :0)

And now I'm done nerding out.

(Serious, am I ever done nerding out...??!!)

Nostalgic Over Cracker Jack

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

A few years ago I found myself sitting at a long table in Bunratty Castle, Ireland, enjoying a classic medieval feast.  Far more classier than the Tournament of Kings at Excalibur Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas.  Clearly more authentic as this was a real Castle built in the 15th century.  We were entertained with music and jests, eating under candle light.  Truly a wonderful night.

At some point a man was invited to the front of the room to sing.  He didn't want to sing, so, very cheekily, he decided to lead everyone in a rousing rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game!"  The room was loud, full to the brim with two tour groups from America.  Ours from Utah and another from the East Coast.  New Jersey, I think.  We belted out the song, loudly punctuating "root, root, root!"  We were all surrounded by history in beautiful Ireland, and what got the room excited?  Baseball.  Nostalgia.  Classic Americana.  And in that song we mention Cracker Jack.

"Take Me Out to the Ballgame" was written in 1908.  Cracker Jack, the delicious American goodie filled with caramelized popcorn and peanuts, goes back to 1896.  But what I remember growing up were the toys.  The popcorn was fun and all, but I ate Cracker Jack for the prizes.

I have a distinct memory of visiting Angel Stadium in Anaheim as a kid.  No idea how many times I went, but my Grandpa A would get tickets for the game and once or twice, maybe more, gave them to my Mom.  The stadium was so big!  And we were at the top.  In my hands was a box of Cracker Jack.  

Toys in Cracker Jack boxes were always the best, the surprise fun, even though they were small.  At least once I got a ring!  And I remember enjoying the rub on tattoos when they were included.

I have fond memories of Baseball and Cracker Jack.  When I was a kid I remember seeing the Angel Stadium sign, the giant red A with a halo, and wanting to see a game as we drove by around town or visiting my Grandparents.  Angel Stadium is also just down the road from Disneyland.  It's just a happy little memory.

Now Cracker Jack doesn't have a toy.  Toys in Cracker Jack boxes started in 1912, but by 2016 the "toys" become digital codes for app games.  Not the same.

Still, I'll always remember those fun days in the sun watching baseball while eating Cracker Jack.  Such good times.

 

Getting My Singing Voice Back

I finally went to the doctors yesterday for a problem I've been dealing with for a little over a year, and was told I have reactive airway disease.  From a little bit of research I just did apparently this is a type of placeholder term that can mean other things, too.  But I got medicine and an inhaler.

Last year I got hit with two major respiratory illnesses, but didn't go to the doctors for either one.  Last year in April I visited Tokyo and came back with a terrible cough, and it felt like someone was grabbing my vocal chords with needles.  I couldn't sing on pitch for over a month.  It wasn't until the end of Summer when I could sing through the bridge of my chest and head voice without going into coughing spasms.  My lungs always felt squeezed.

Then at the end of November, after visiting Disneyland, I came home with a mysterious illness: Lung pressure and squeezing, coughing, sore throat, fever of 104, lost sense of smell and taste for several days, no appetite, super exhausted, were the key symptoms.  Couldn't figure out if I had a cold or flu, and didn't go to the doctors to get tested.  (The symptoms seem similar to the "bug" now going around, but it's hard to say what it really was, as I caught this in CA just before Thanksgiving.)

With all this, and the fact my lungs are still having problems and I've been coughing on and off, I finally went to the doctor.  She said I most likely have inflammation and possible scarring.  So I have a whole new reason to completely go off sugary treats, as they're inflammatory.  Sugar really is just bad.  It's such a vicious cycle.  And sugar inhibits the immune system and our ability to heal.

I'm looking forward to singing without coughing, without my lungs feeling squeezed.  I have this vocal CD with voice exercises that are gentle, to help those who have been sick, so I'm starting on that.  And I'm going to start working on instrumental music for a couple projects I'm working on with my brothers.  I really need to have a goal to release music again this year.  It's been so long!  I'm working on getting all around healthy.

Maybe I should work on Christmas music.  Oh, I should probably do something sooner than that, but when I did Sing We Now of Christmas and Elvish Waltz, it was such a good confidence building experience, and they were nice songs that turned out well.  It would be good to do a small EP.  Get back into it.  Seems like a nice place to start.  The weather will finally be warming up, and I'll be thinking of Christmas.  But I'm going to work on other music as well, no worries. :0)

Having a Moment... :P

"Reality Called, so I hung up... "

This pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now.  Heh, well, it sums up how I've been feeling these last few months.  I can't be the only one, right?  Gaaaaaahh!!  Heh, yup.

I hope everyone is having a good day.  I'm taking a moment to hang up on reality.

(How many kids would get this reference?  Just realized that understanding what "hung up" means dates me a little.  That's funny.)

Fully Love and Believe

“Problems will come into all of our lives; it’s part of just being here upon this earth. And some people think that religion or having faith in God will protect you from bad things. I don’t think that’s the point. I think the point is that if our faith is strong, that when bad things happen, which they will, we’ll be able to deal with them. … My faith never wavered, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t have depressions. I think for the first time in my life, I was pushed to the limit, and literally there was nowhere to turn, and so I turned to the Lord, and to this day, I feel a spontaneity of joy.” Jack Rushton, quoted in D. Todd Christofferson's talk "The Joy of the Saints"

Jack Rushton was an amazing man.  I don't remember him, as he counseled my parents when they got married and was my bishop when I was one to two years old, but all through my life I heard stories of his struggles and great faith.  A few years after my family moved to central California Jack suffered an accident while body-surfing in the ocean.  He became a quadriplegic.  Yet even in his struggles he continued to have great strength and the ability to believe.

It's been interesting not attending church in person these last couple months.  It's strange not dressing up and going to take the sacrament.  The real struggle has been making Sunday feel different than the rest of the week.  Michael and Krista have their kids dress up when they do their at home lesson and sacrament.  That's a good way to go about it.  I must admit that I study the lessons still in my pajamas.  And, won't lie, it's been kind of nice.

I've been finding different resources to highlight my studies.  One such resource is the Book of Mormon Central YouTube Channel.   Their Come Follow Me lessons remind me of past Institute of Religions classes, which I loved so much as a young adult.  Institute classes healed my soul when moving to Utah at 19.  Anything that reminds me of Institute gets me excited.  In their lesson for Mosial 4-6, they highlighted the verses for Mosiah 4, 9-10, bringing the most beautiful meaning:

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.  And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them."

The lessons are taught by two teachers, one of which breaks down the meanings of words.  He broke down the word for "believe". "Be" = Fully, 100%.  "Lieve" = Love.  Believe can mean Fully Love when you look at the word's root.  Replacing "believe" with "fully love" in the above verses brings such a beautiful meaning.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.

I love nerding out over spiritual stuff. :0)

A Mysterious Flower

Have you ever had a memory you recall like a dream?  A memory so deep and vivid that it's become apart of your mythos?  A memory that has always been apart of you, yet you question if it's even real?

I have such a memory.

As a kid the home I lived in had a modest backyard.  It was part grass play area and part wildness.  About the midpoint of our backyard there was a white fence, and behind that there were three or four fruit tress, peaches and apricots, the ground untamed with rocks, wild grass, and sticks that poke.  My brothers and I weren't allowed back there, and when we did go we had to wear shoes.

Often we snuck in, sneaking through the small gate to grab a piece of fruit or explore.  One such time, while I was still in elementary school, I remember coming upon a flower close to the gate.  It was beautiful.  Unique.  It stuck up with colorful petals like a water fountain, tear drops in rows.  I plucked it and brought it into the house to show my Mom, who has no memory of this, keeping it in my room.  From there I don't know what happened to it.

The next day I went into the backyard, opened the gate, and in the same spot as before there was another flower, the same as the first.  I repeated my actions from the day before and brought it into the house, amazed at there being a second.

On the third day I opened the gate again, hoping to see a third flower, but it wasn't there.  I searched the whole area, hoping for another flower that never came.  I remember for weeks I would check to see if there would be any more colorful flowers, but there never was, and then I gave up the search.

In school I would draw pictures of the flower, trying to remember what it looked like.  I did that for years.  Once I was searching through a book in the library and thought I might have found a picture similar to the one of my childhood, listed under flower mutations, but even now I question this memory of a book with proof.

It's interesting looking back on my youth.  This memory feels real.  I swear that odd, colorful, beautiful flower I found really exists, but I truly question this reality.  I want the memory to be real, but I honestly don't know if it was.  Maybe it was all a dream.

So now it's this little thing that may or may not have happened.  I use to think those two flowers were gifts.  From whom I don't know.  But it felt like they were meant for me to find.  Maybe that in itself discredits this memory.  But still, a little mystery is fun, wondering if it was simply fanciful or real.  Honestly, who's not to say it wasn't?

Do It Anyway

"Stay afraid, but do it anyway.  What's important is the action.  You don't have to wait to be confident.  Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow." ~ Carrie Fisher

I look at that and I'm like, "Easier said than done."  I know.  I know.  I know.  It's true, though.  Still working on my confidence! :P

It's interesting, reflecting and realizing all the things I didn't do in my life, that I dreamed of as a kid, simply because I let fear and shame overtake me.  It's sad.  And I'm like: WHY!!!!!? But it happened.  I let it happen.  I was afraid and didn't go down paths I should have tread.

I'm kind of in an interesting place right now.  I got to participate on two episodes of the Creator's Playbook, a podcast two of my brothers put together, and I really enjoyed doing those episodes.  It awoke something I let die within me.  My brothers were going to have me on once a month, but they've been restructuring, have a lot of other guest they want to bring on, so I found out last weekend that I'm only going to do an episode every other month.  I'm happy they're finding joy and good footing in their project, and I understand their plans, but I won't lie, I'm a little sad over it, and it has me thinking about stuff.

I discovered my love of the stage when I was four.  It was a magical moment standing in front of that audience, dance shoes on, peeking to the side to see my teacher give us hints for the dance steps.  It was an awakening moment, a feeling I'll never forget.  It felt like home.  I felt at peace up there.  An interesting feeling to feel at such a young age.

As time went on I thirst for the stage, taking advantage of community theater, more dance, singing, and other opportunities.  And then I stopped.  Just stopped.  Honestly, it's something I don't even understand.  I hate being the center of attention.  Hate it!  I get embarrassed and hide in the corner.  I struggle with compliments, too.  I'm really pretty quiet, unless I'm completely comfortable with the people I'm with or talking about something super interesting.

I've also let insecurities overrun me.  In the last decade or so I did audition for two musicals.  For Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat I made it to the dance audition, which didn't go great.  Did the steps, but my endurance left a little to be desired.  I left the room defeated, feeling unworthy to more forward.  A couple years later I auditioned for the Christmas Carol.  Sang, and the person next to the director asked if he wanted to ask me anything.  He shook his head "no".  And I haven't auditioned since.

pretty much I let two excuses overrun any desire to audition and perform again: My weight and the fact I wear glasses and can't get use to contacts.  Really it's silly!!  I know it!!! 

But doing the podcast awoke my love of performing.  It's strange, I have a hard time with social situations, but I don't have a problem at all with performing in front of people, whether singing or talking.  I've always felt at ease giving talks in church, and it's really difficult to give one that's less than 20 minutes.  I print out quotes and scriptures.  Make a list of experiences that tie in.  And then bullet point the talk with ideas.  I hate fully writing it out.  Before a talk I never know what I'm going to say, running scenarios in my mind.  It's not until I'm in the room that my thoughts and feelings start to come together, and then when I speak the words just come out.  A lot of the time it's not at all what I planned.  Granted I still feel nervous, but in the moment I'm at ease.  I think doing the podcast brought this out of me.  This side I've been hiding and suppressing that's somehow, unexplainable, apart of me.

So I have things to think about.  And I have fears I need to face.  And I need to tackle my lack of confidence and just do it.

I need to do life.

Childhood Remembered: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Arcade Edition

Seeing this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade style game console at Walmart the other day was like stepping back in time.  I've seen these short arcade games for Pac-Man and the like, but never thought there would be one for TMNT.

This was my favorite arcade game growing up.  There was either one at the Pizza Hut or Round Table Pizza way back when in Porterville, back when pizza places had tiny arcade rooms.  (Are there any pizza places that still have arcade games?)  But still, time trip seeing this thing.  I spent so many quarters playing this game as a kid.  Heh, good times.  My fractured memory says it was Pizza Hut, though my memories at Round Table are more clear with various birthday gatherings and other whatnot's.  The pizza was so good!  We don't have a Round Table Pizza where I live, though every now and then advertisements will pop up on Facebook reminding me of good times past.

Dang I'm nostalgic.

This arcade game console, if it's called that, is priced at $400, so I didn't get it.  That would be crazy.  The price is crazy steep, but where would I put it?  Still, it was fun seeing this game and remembering all those fun times running to play games in between bites of pizza, which is very TMNT appropriate.

May Health Challenge

Earlier last month I spent some time backing up my blog, didn't get too far, 2018 to be exact, but I noticed a pattern.  Many times I would write about this health goal, and that health goal, none of them completed.  That's not a good track record!!  And some of them were pretty good ideas.  Well, this year started strong and then went crazy, goals went out the window, and I joined the masses in gaining a little quarantine weight.  About five pounds.  But you know what?  I'm not being hard on myself at all about it.

This is a new month.  Can you believe it's already May!!??  Insane.  It's not unreasonable at all that, with new goals, I can lose those five pounds this month.  Head into June as I did into January.  And you know what, it's okay.

So here are my 4 goals:

1: Strength train 2-3 times a week.  There's a fitness app I found, for free, that has exercise routines.  It's Women Workout at Home - Female Fitness by Leap Fitness Group.  Pretty basic with beginning, intermediate, and advance exercises.  This month I'm focusing on beginner.

2: Walk a total of 100 miles this month.  Sounds crazy, but if you don't count Sundays that's about 4 miles a day.  About 20 minutes of walking is a mile at a moderate speed.  Not exact, but close enough.  There are pedometers and apps that can help keep track.  Don't know if I'm going to do 4 miles all at once each day or spread it out, but I'll play around with it.

3: No sugary treats with the exemption of two sweet treat days.  I've gone 3 whole months once with no sugar treats, so this is doable.  And I'm already down one whole day of no treats!  So 30 more to go.  (Though, to be honest, I found these little nut/chocolate snack packs at Trader Joe's, so if I'm having a down moment and need one, it won't count against this goal).

4. Try to be in bed before midnight.  Kinda developed a habit of staying up past midnight watching TV.  That's not good.

That's it.  These four things.  Well, a couple of them might seem a little crazy, but that's alright.  Tackling these four things will have a positive impact.  And I'm not going to weigh myself either until June 1st, and I'll report on June 2nd how it all went down.

Totally going to make this happen. 0_0 . . . :D