The Passing of a Prophet, Thomas S. Monson

This morning I woke to text messages from family and friends about the passing of President Thomas S. Monson last night.  I was saddened by the news, but not surprised, as he's been suffering from health issues as of late.  Now he is with his beloved wife and at peace.

Early this afternoon, as I've been nursing a migraine, I decided to open up the BYUtv app on my Kindle to find shows to stream.  (Wonderful app, btw, and entirely free.)

I saw the category "Devotionals."  It's been such a longtime since I've watched one, and decided to find a devotional from when I attended BYU.  Newest to oldest first I went right to 2006, and there I found "Three Gates to Open" by Thomas S. Monson.

This speech, talking about the three gates (preparation, performance, and service) is beautiful.  Everything I love and miss about President Monson is there: His love of storytelling, wit, ability to tie lessons to life experiences, etc.  His talks are always wonderful, and thanks to technology we will always have them to watch over and over.

Honestly, I have no idea if I was there in person watching this devotional.  Wish I could remember!  I'd be surprised if I wasn't, just can't remember.  Ah!  But back in middle/high school sometime president Monson came to Central California to speak at regional conference.  I was in a small choir that practiced in Visalia, and on the Sunday he came we all drove up to Fresno to sing and hear him speak.

This was such a special experience.  He spoke in a sports arena of some sort, and in the back there was a banner hung up that read, "Be a Good Sport."  He saw that and based his entire talk on being a good sport.  And then before leaving he turned to us choir members and gave a wave.

I will always love President Monson.  What a wonderful, beautiful life he's lived.  He will always be missed.  But time is sort, and though parting is such sweet sorrow, this life is but a moment.  When this moment has passed we will once again be with those we love.

How I Became Mormon; My Testimony

Nobody is born Mormon.  Even if you're born into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you're not born Mormon.  Though, as I type out Mormon, the word Mormon feels strange under my fingers.  We are called Mormons, and though I respect Mormon as an ancient American prophet who abridged the golden plates, no small task, this is not his Church.  I am not a follower of Mormon.  Nor am I a follower of Joseph Smith.  I'm a follower of Jesus Christ.  It is Christ who is the center of everything I believe.

Regardless, Mormon is the label we, who believe and follow the Doctrines of the LDS faith, are stamped with.  It's a name I'm attached with, and though born into the Church, it's a label I choose to wear.

Still, I wasn't born believing the Church is true.  That's a knowledge I had to seek and pray for.

Looking back on my life I can't remember a time when I didn't believe in God.  There's no defining moment that led me to realize God exist.  This is something I've always believed and have never had to question.  This faith lies deep in my spirit.  But believing the LDS church is true?  I didn't even know other churches existed until I was seven years old, and I didn't grow up in Utah.

It was the beginning of the second grade, the Summer of 1989, as we had year-around-school.  The day was hot, as hot as it typically gets in Porterville California, which is an hour north of Bakersfield.  I remember standing close to the fence which overlooked a big field, which lay next to the soon to be All American City Highway, which was next to the foothill mountains, the Sierra Nevada mountains blue in the distance.  I was to the south of the slide playground having a rather heated debate over religion.

One of my classmates, her face now blurred in memory, was countering everything I said.  This somewhat out of the ordinary conversation for a couple of seven year old's started when I mentioned how excited I was to be getting baptized.  "What is baptize?" She asked me, and I explained that it involved getting submerged in water.  "Our church doesn't do that!" She proclaimed, "You're wrong."

"I'm not wrong.  You get baptized when you're eight.  And then you get the gift of the Holy Ghost."

"My church doesn't do that.  You don't go to the right church!"

And we went back and forth, na na-na na na like.  "You're wrong" this and "You're wrong" that.  The Trinity was mentioned, and I brought up the Godhead, the idea that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are all separate beings.  Naturally that started up a whole new debate.

When the recess bell rang I went back to the classroom somber, suddenly realizing there are other churches, and that these churches believe different things, and that they believe they're right and that they believe they attend the right church of Christ.  And then suddenly I realized, "What if my church is wrong?  What if I believe the wrong thing?" That line of thought then quickly turned into, "How can I get baptized when I could be joining the wrong Church?  And if I am being baptized into the right Church, am I ready for that commitment?" My mind spun round and round.  In my spirit I knew I could only get baptized if I was fully ready to make an Eternal commitment to Christ, and not fall back on my covenants.  At the time I didn't know "covenant" was the word that represented what I didn't want to break.  I didn't want to break my promise to God. I wanted always to follow him.

That three block walk home after school was a long one.  So distraught was my mind, full of questions and worries.  How was I going to tell my Mom that there are other churches and they feel they're right!?

When I did tell my Mom she was very patient, understanding, and bore her testimony with what she believed.  She then told me I had to seek out, ask questions, and form my own testimony, and that she would trust me no matter what I decide.  A lot of trust for a seven year old.  But baptism is no small thing.

In all those months leading up to my eighth birthday I struggled reading the Book of Mormon and the scriptures.  I was incredibly below average in my reading skills at the time, not getting up to grade level until the fourth grade.  Reading was a struggle, but I tried my best, and knew God would make up the rest.  It was around this time I stopped coloring during sacrament meeting and started listening to the talks.  If I can't fully read the scriptures I was going to listen, both in Sacrament meeting and Sunday School.  One time when we had the missionaries over for dinner they asked if anyone had any questions.  My Mom said, "Sarah has a question."

"How do I know the Church is true?"  They mentioned reading the scriptures and praying, but then they shared something that has stuck with me.  They talked about Christ time and that while he lived the church was perfect.  A mirror, fully formed, represented this.  After he died the mirror shattered into many pieces.  As time went on one truth was picked up by one group and they formed a church around that mirror piece, trying to fill in the gaps.  Another church was formed around another mirror piece or so, trying to fill in the gaps.  Another church was formed around another mirror piece, trying to fill in the gaps.  And so forth.  Each Christian church with different truths and beliefs, some the same, some different, all trying to recreate the mirror with their own pieces.  No church completely wrong, but no church completely right, because of the missing truths.

Then one day Joseph Smith asked the same question I asked.  What church is true?  They're all so different.  And the answer he received was to join none of them.  Over time Joseph Smith, through inspiration, guidance, and revelation was able to put the mirror back together with all the missing pieces: temples, prophets, ordinances, covenants, priesthood keys, gift of the Holy Ghost, modern revelation, personal revelation, as so forth.  All the mirror pieces joined together to form Christ's reflection.

I don't know at what point I realized the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ's restored church on Earth, but I did realize it.  The process was slow.  Bit by bit.  And I said so many prayers.  But there came a point before I turned eight that I did know the Church was true.  I did believe Jesus Christ was my Savior and Redeemer.  I dis know Joseph Smith to be a prophet of God. And I know The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ.

My testimony has only gotten stronger.

When I went for my interview with my Bishop to see of I was ready for baptism, I answered all his questions with confidence.  I knew.  And today I still know.

And I also knew it was never going to be easy becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  That confrontation during recess my second grade year taught me that, and I knew instinctively I was agreeing to a life of persecution if I was baptized.  Porterville is a very religious community, at least when I was there, and anti-Mormons crossed my path regularly.  They tried to beat me down.  Shun me. But that only made me stronger.

I met good people, too.  One of my friends was a Methodist and I went on a trip with her church group to Magic Mountain.  They learned I was Mormon and didn't treat me bad.  You have no idea how much that meant to me.

Standing for what you believe is a lonely path, but being a follower of Christ was never meant to be easy.

My Grandpa R. gave me a set of scriptures when I was baptized, one book comprising the Old and New Testament, the second book containing The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants, and The Pearl of Great Price.  On the inside flap he wrote: "To Sarah!  We love you!  And we present this Book of Mormon to you.  May you read it everyday.  It is the greatest book in the world!"

I treasure that inscription because of what it came to represent.  Around 2000 my Grandpa left the church.  It was a traumatic day on many fronts, especially for my Mom.

At one time, around 1990, he mailed out hundreds of Book of Mormons to those of our Scottish linage with a 4 generation genealogy chart and his testimony included.  I found one of these un-mailed Book of Mormon's in his Ventura home office when I was packing it almost two years ago.  I also found several folders containing correspondence he received from those he gave Book of Mormon's to, most of what I found was anti-Mormon literature.

In the last several years I've come to realize why he left the church.  I respect his agency.  I have to, as I'm a strong defender of agency.  Always have been, always will.

That inscription he wrote in my Book of Mormon is a reminder not to ever take my testimony for granted.  A reminder of how fragile testimonies are.

I do believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ's restored church during these last days.  I do believe Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, the center of everything I believe, my everything.

I write these things in the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.

Saturday's Warrior, Mini Movie Review

Rating: 4 out of 5

I grew up hearing stories about the very first production of Saturday's Warrior in 1974.  My Grandparents knew Doug Stewart who wrote the LDS musical, and my Mom saw it on opening night and then got to go to the cast party.  She told me that story again last week.

It's hard to explain the phenomenon of this musical to someone who isn't Mormon.  I was a child of the 80's/90's and this musical maintained popularity all the way through my growing up.  Everyone knew the songs.  I had the "Line Upon Line" song memorized, singing it randomly at times as a reminder that understanding the gospel is a process.

And I still remember taking a Dating and Courtship class over at the Institute of Religion more then a decade ago, and hearing my teacher exclaim, "There's no such thing as soul mates!  It's not like Saturday's Warrior!"  You know the conundrum girls face while waiting for a Disney prince?  it's nothing compared to the misconception girls in the LDS faith face thanks to this musical.  Saturday's warrior is very Mormon.  Very.  And there's no explaining anything.  The musical hops right into it.

The musical mainly starts with pre-mortality, the idea that our spirits existed before this life, that we all lived together as a large family.  In past versions this part of the play is represented by a star backdrop and mist on the ground.  In this new version pre-mortality is represented as a large room.  There's doors leading out, but we don't see beyond the doors.  But inside we see everyone meeting.  The main family, all siblings, waiting to be born, singing about what life will be like.  The soul mates pledging their forever love for one another.  And the future missionary companions singing about how they're going to rid the Earth of sin; the lack of humility with one future Elder apparent.

It's not until we see all these characters on Earth living in mortality that Saturday's Warrior become truly interesting.  I cried so many times!

And I'm glad they decided to set the movie in the 70's instead of making it modern.  It really does work better this way, and the songs fit better as well.

Their are some changes between play to movie, but they're good changes.

The songs are still fun.  (They got rid of the really corny songs and added some new ones!)  And the cast is really good, corny moments aside.

My main complaint is with the lip singing during the songs.  The reverb added to the vocals separates what we see, and when watching it's obvious the music was all pre recorded.  Some actors are better then others at this.

Still this is a fun version of Saturday's Warrior that was crowdfunded through Kickstarter.  Over $100,000 was raised on the site.

For any fan of the original Saturday's Warrior, this is a must see.

MPAA: Rated PG for thematic elements throughout

The Blessing I Found While Listening To LDS General Conference in Japan

LDS General Conference weekend, a meeting that takes place twice a year, every October and April, in which 100,000 attend in person, and millions watch all over the World, has now come and gone.  We Mormons always get so excited.  Two days, 5 sessions, each a couple hours, and if you watch on BYUtv or KSL there's inspirational programs to watch in between sessions.

It's strange to think that I was in Japan last October conference, my first time visiting this country.  I was so excited to be there, but leading up to the trip and actually arriving I found myself nervous and overwhelmed.  Scared even.  And it didn't help that I was literally sick right before leaving, fighting a fever and finding difficulty in eating.  Finally I was going to Japan!!  And I was sick.

At the airport I tried so desperately to eat food.  Salt Lake City airport has a Cafe Rio, and I got my favorite taco meal with yummy shredded beef.  What usually takes me 10-20 minutes to eat took longer.  It felt like I was eating in slow motion, and my blood sugars were going crazy.  After an overnight layover at LAX, staying at the Holiday Inn Express, the food on the airline didn't go down any easier.

Maybe I was still stressed.  Maybe it was nerves.  And suddenly when my brother, sister-in-law, and I made it to the apartment after spending hours on a bus and 30+ minutes thoroughly confused at a train station, we got situated for the night.

I got the living room/kitchen where the couch rolled out into a bed on the floor.  And suddenly I found myself hungry with no way to get food, my blood levels dropping so that I felt "sugar sick."  Suddenly I was homesick.  And I found myself unhappy in a place I dreamed of visiting for years.  And this all made me ashamed. 

At around 1:00 am in the morning I realized general conference was starting back home.  The apartment came with an internet wifi device, and I connected my phone, went to www.lds.org and streamed it live.  And somewhere in all that my sister-in-law Krista came into my room and joined me, probably before I started streaming.  We were both overwhelmed.  Me feeling shame.  She feeling homesick at being away from her kids for a week.  We both lay there and cried.

But when conference started the most wonderful feeling of peace came over me.  President Dieter F. Uchtdorf was speaking.  His words brought comfort, but it was really the spirit that helped me feel calm.  Krista and I listened as we shared the almonds I thankfully bought at LAX.

I'm so thankful for that experience.  So thankful for the gospel.  So thankful for technology that allowed me, on the other side of the World, to listen to our prophet and apostles live.  So thankful for the gift of the spirit.  Again, so thankful for the gospel.

And now, six months later, conference filled this last weekend, and my Facebook was filled with inspirational quotes quickly created after each talk, my friends sharing and discussing them.

Yesterday, as the Sunday afternoon conference came to the end, Jeffrey R. Holland gave this beautiful message:

"Tomorrow, you and I will return to our regular responsibilities, as I said in general conference. Nobody wants the fears and concerns of tomorrow to destroy the peace and joy we felt yesterday and today as we listened to the inspiring counsel of our leaders. As good as our intentions may be, we may slip into old habits. We will make mistakes.

"But don’t give up! The great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed. With the gift of the Atonement and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve.

"So keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven will be cheering you on today, tomorrow, forever. I will be cheering for you too."

Already all the talks are available on www.lds.org, ready for a second helping of this spiritual feast.  And within a week these talks will be available on the gospel library app for download, ready for six months of review until we get to listen to more talks this coming of October. :0) 

Everyone is Fighting a Battle: How to Overcome Addiction

A few days ago the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints released a set of videos that highlight each of the 12 recovery steps for addiction: Honesty, Hope, Trust in God, Truth, Confession, Change of heart, Humility, Forgiveness, Restitution and Reconciliation, Daily Accountability, Personal Revelation, and Service.

These videos are each told by someone who has gone through the program, and they are deep, pulling no punches.

These videos are powerful.  Even though I don't have a major addiction--I do deal with emotional eating and intense sugar cravings, which I'm working through--each of these videos touched me in one way or another.  Addiction is real.  It's overwhelming.  And even though addiction is incredibly powerful, Christ's love and atonement is even more powerful.

Through Christ all things can be healed and forgiven.  Weak things can become strong.

And even if many of us can't completely relate to some of these stories, we can relate to the need for change.

Plato once said: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."

We are each fighting our battles, and all these battles we fight can be won.

Define our situation; don't let our situations define us.

Addiction can be overcome.

To watch all the videos you can go to Mormon Channel where they list the videos in order:

12-Steps to Change.

What if Elders Quorum and Relief Society Switched?

This video is a couple years old, made by the LA YSA (Los Angeles Young Single Adults LDS Ward).  They're totally playing off the RS and EQ (Relief Society and Elders Quorum, the third hour meeting on Sundays held in Mormon Wards and Branches, following Sacrament and Sunday School) stereo types.  The woman are typically thought of as overachievers, giving snacks, handouts, and creating well crafted table displays, etc.  The men are seen as laid back and unorganized.

Stereo types, naturally, to the extremes, but we Latter-Day Saints have no problem poking fun at ourselves.  And I find this role reversal skit pretty funny.

Honestly I've never been to a full Elders Quorum meeting.  The only bit I've seen are the opening announcements, when I was the ward chorister "begging" for more male voices.  They were pretty organized.  Though, in terms of RS, I have no complaints whenever the teacher brings cookies and handouts.  They're always welcomed. :0)

Deciding to Not Serve a LDS Mission

A couple weeks ago I wrote how I was preparing to serve an LDS Mission.

I was so excited!  I have wanted to serve a mission since High School, hoping and praying I would have the opportunity.  But regardless of how strong my desire was, and how much I wanted to go, one thing or another prevented me from serving a mission.  I was 21 when I transferred to BYU to earn a music degree, the earliest age women used to be able to serve a mission, now they can leave at 19, but I knew my place was at BYU.  The heavens literally opened for me to get into the classical voice program, and that's where I was supposed to be at that moment.  But as time went on after graduation, no matter how many times I wanted to serve, it was never right.

And then a few weeks ago the miraculous happened.  It seemed the heavens opened once again and everything fell into place.  I would finally have the opportunity to go into the World and share my testimony, trusting my life entirely to Him, our Redeemer and Savior, giving up everything for full devotion. (see Footnote #1)

But as the days went on, preparing by having an interview with my Bishop (see Footnote #2), going to the dentist and doctor, something wasn't feeling right.  Something in my spirit just didn't feel right.

I expressed concern with my family, and my brother Steven sent me a link to a talk by Elder Holland entitled, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence."

It's an incredible talk about the adversary and staying true to what we originally feel in terms of promptings and feeling the spirit.  I listened to this talk with my Mom as we drove around doing errands, and I felt comforted and renewed, ready to continue my mission prep and everything that goes into having my papers submitted. (see Footnote #3).

But there was an event that was truly startled me. Something that pulled me back and pause.  My doctor, who's known me for over a decade and is LDS, said, "So this is the one thing you'll be asked over and over again: Why now?"  Why am I'm serving a mission at 32? (see Footnote #4)

Why after all this time am I leaving to serve a mission?

I told him how I've always wanted to serve, how I'm still single, how life is hard to predict, etc, but it wasn't until a couple days later it clicked.  Where was the burning fire?  Where was the light?  Why didn't I feel that burning in my bosom, as we Mormons call it, an overwhelming feeling of the spirit?  Why didn't I feel it?

Why haven't I felt it?

I wanted to serve a mission so badly I jumped right in, but something deep within was telling me "No."  I was just too excited to listen.

For years I had held onto the hope of serving a mission, but honestly there are so many ways to serve.  So many ways I can serve, without leaving for 18 months to proselyte.

Friday, September 5th, I talked with my Mom and brother Steven, talking until midnight about everything.  Some of the talking was intense, some confused, but by the end I felt peace.  Peace about the future.  Peace about finding faith in my music and talents.  You know, I've never doubted the existence of God.  Ever since I can remember I've always believed.  But believing in God, and believing Gods timetable for me, are two different things.  I've struggled with having faith in myself.

I have a strong testimony.  I know this church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is true.  I know God loves us and is real. I know he's my Father and watches over me, even when I struggle and stumble.  I know the Book of Mormon is a testament, a witness of Gods love and attention over those who lived on the American continents.  It's a true book of Ancient American Prophets.  A second witness of Christ on this side of the World.  God loves all his people.  He loves all of us, still.  He hasn't left.  He's still here with us, performing miracles, speaking through Prophets and Apostles.  Covenants, Ordinances, the Priesthood, and Temple are just as important now as with those who lived during ancient times.  I feel so blessed to have these things in my life.

For whatever reason unbeknown to me, I'm not supposed to serve a full-time mission, but I will always carry with me the missionary spirit.  And I will never stop loving God.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Footnote #1: When you serve an LDS mission you live really strict guidelines, beyond the standards we already live.  You can't go to the movies or watch TV.  You can't listen to the radio, and what you can listen to is really restricted (Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Especially for Youth, etc.) You work 6 days a week from 6:30 am to 10:30 pm, with little breaks.  And the 7th day, P day (preparation), still has standards.  There might be some sightseeing, but there's service, too.  And P day is the only day you can email home.  That's another thing, you can't call home or talk to your loved ones, except on Mothers Day and Christmas.  All your correspondence is through letters and emails (and hopefully you're allotted enough time on P day to go through your emails and write home.)  A missionaries life is not easy, by no means.  It's not a vacation.  It's very hard work.

Footnote #2:  In the LDS church a congregation is called a Ward, and the presiding member of the ward is called a Bishop.  It's an unpaid calling that lasts a few years until someone else is called to serve as Bishop.  All church callings are unpaid.  I've served twice as choir director, several teaching callings, Relief Society President, etc, all volunteer. 

Footnote #3:  "Submitting ones papers" is something that happens after being interviewed by the bishop and stake president, getting cleared by the doctor and dentist, and filling out a few forms.  After these forms are submitted and sent to Church headquarters, a "Mission Call" is sent, a letter mailed to the preparing missionary that tells him/her where they are to serve, what language they'll speak , and when to report to the Missionary Training Center (MTC).  You don't get to choose.  If you don't know the language you are going to speak, you learn it from scratch at the MTC.  My brother Robbie was called to Argentina not knowing any Spanish, and he lived in the MTC for 2 months to learn Spanish and train as a missionary.  And yes, after only two months, he was sent to Argentina having to converse and give lessons in Spanish.  It used to be 1 month in the MTC for native English, 2 months for Romantic/Germanic languages, and 3 months for non-romantic languages (Asian languages, Russian, Etc.)  (I may be wrong on the time frames with some of these languages.  I do know Japanese was a 3 month language).  But they've changed it.  2 weeks in the MTC for English, 6 weeks for Romantic/Germanic languages, and 8-10 weeks for Asian, etc.  (I don't know if it's 8 or 10 weeks now, I just know they no longer spend 3 months in the MTC to learn Japanese, Chinese, etc).

Footnote #4: Boys can serve missions from age 18-25.  Girls can serve from 19-39.  Then there are couple missionaries.  My Grandparents served a mission together to the Philippines several years back.  And Mission Presidents are married couples as well.  My best friend's Father in Elementary was called to be the mission president over Costa Rica, and they sold their house and moved there.  Mission Presidents serve for 3 years.  Boys serve for 2 years.  Girls and Couple missions are 18 months.

Brigham City Temple Open House

Last Wednesday, August 29, 2012, I had the pleasure of attending the Brigham City Utah Temple Open House with my siblings.  With the Latter-Day Saint (aka Mormon) faith being so heavily in the news, it's interesting how often I've heard in recent months how mysterious and secret our temples are.  Our Temples our sacred, and once a temple is dedicated, you need to have what is called a temple recommend to enter (essentially I'm required to pay a full 10% tithe (Genesis 28:22), keep the Word of Wisdom, and live a virtuous, chaste life).

What a lot of people don't realize is that right before the temple is dedicated, the temple has an Open House; during this time the temple is open to the public, regardless of faith.  Anyone can come and see what is inside one of our temples.       

On the bus with my brother Steven, after parking in one of the many parking lots, heading to the temple.  I don't know why being on a charter bus made me feel so happy.  It felt like I was on a field trip. 

What's fun about each temple is figuring out the local theme that has been incorporated in the art.  Brigham city is known as the city of peaches, so throughout the temple, inside and out, there were peach blossoms.  Very beautiful.

This sign made me laugh!  One thing we Mormons are expert at is refreshments!  Seriously, have you been to a meet-n-mingle, ward potluck, or any other event?  There are always refreshments.  And after the tour there were water bottles and plates of yummy cookies.

Michael and Krista enjoying some shade.

There are many temples currently in various announcement/construction phases.  The Brigham City temple is Utah's 14th temple, but there are three more currently being built.  A 2nd temple in Ogden, a 2nd temple in Provo, and Payson's first.  And there are several throughout the United States, but many worldwide including Rome Italy, Sapporo Japan, Paris France, and Peru.  All these temples, before dedication, will have an open house.