A Changing Mindset

Was I sounding at all defeated yesterday?  Because, in the back of my mind, I was feeling a little defeated.  It's like this total battle with my brain saying one thing, but my heart and fingers saying another.  I was hoping for better results, but was disappointed and feeling a little hopeless, but then the other part of me kicks in and is like, "You can do it.  Push through!  Everyone plateaus and gains weight when making changes."  And so forth.  Then the doubt comes back in, like can I do it at all?  This is all for nothing.

(For those who haven't read my previous posts and have no idea what I'm talking about, I walked/biked/ellipticaled 153 miles last month, and gained 3 pounds accordingly).

The funny thing is, what I'm about to say I've probably already said.  One of these days I should go back and read all these posts about health and such just to see the roller coaster and the back and forth.  Losing weight and getting healthy truly is a mental game.  It's a constant tug between "yes you can, give it time" vs "none of this is working, just quit because it's pointless".

So, even though I will periodically weigh myself as one form of measurement, I'm focusing on more positive things.  The fact I got all those miles last month and didn't give up, even though the thought was oh so tempting.  The fact I realized that lung medication I was on was hurting my mental health and stopped.  (The walking really is helping.  The 3rd week of December I only got 9 miles, and by the end of the week my lungs were tight and I was coughing a bit.  Right now, late at night, my lungs are feeling pretty good.  I theorize the walking causes my lungs to expand with deep breathing, and that's why it's helping).

I do need to get off the sweets again.  They're my Achilles heel.  But I do feel better, dang it, and it would be funny if I lose weight again as I continue to get miles and incorporate strength training.  I'm also increasing my veggie intake.  Went to the store and got some greens, so I'm prepped for tomorrow.  So that's another thing I'm going to focus on, feeling good through food choices.  I may not be losing the weight at the speed I wish, which is one step forward and a million steps back, but how I feel needs to be paramount.

Side note, I went to the store to grab epsom salt, which is why I originally went.  Preparing for increased muscle aches.  While there I wandered down the hair aisle and noticed an increased amount of hair scrunchies.  Scrunchies have always been available, but I haven't used them since I was a kid.  Well, there were some cute ones so I got some.  The 80's seem to be coming back in many ways.  As long as we don't bring back shoulder pads.  

Anywho, the future is unclear.  So many possibilities (and the scenarios currently running through my head aren't good).  Regardless, I'm going to focus on the things within my control.  Health is so much more than a number on the scale and a tag stitched to the inside of pants.

Until next time,

Sarah

"Our responsibility is to rise from mediocrity to competence, from failure to achievement. Our task is to become our best selves. One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final." Thomas S. Monson

Don't Be Ashamed of Hard Times

"Our most significant opportunities will be found in times of greatest difficulty." ~ Thomas S. Monson

and...

"When things go wrong, maybe we aren't failing--maybe we're learning." ~ Wendy Ulrich

Life is crazy.  So many things seem to be going crazy right now.  Emotions here and there.  So many thoughts. Ups and Downs.  Regardless of what's happening outside my control, there's quite a bit inside my control I feel I keep messing up.

Without getting into details, because there's a lot I'm working through, I've been learning a lot.  About myself.  Gained five pounds, but it's not affecting me like it has in the past.  Step by step, and finding confidence and acceptance is getting easier.  I'm on a quest, upwards.  I will get healthy.  I will get better at accomplishing goals.  but change is a process.  It hurts.  It's aggravating.  I want fast solutions, fast improvements, but true change requires patience, repetition, work.

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't give up.

Be The Miracle

(Updated comment, October 13, 2019.  I was so tired when I wrote the original blog post, below this add on.  A couple days ago I got back from Disneyland, the Autumn trip I hinted at a few times in previous posts.  It was supposed to be a much longer trip.  Fly into Vancouver, explore, Disney Cruise down to San Diego, explore, than Disneyland.  A huge part of the trip had to be scrapped, and what was left was Disneyland, as we had non-refundable airline tickets, so Disneyland was kept.

I've been working on Shutterfly projects for Christmas gifts, and there was one particular project I wanted to do which would required all 111 pages.  That's expensive.  And I was waiting for a 40%-50% discount+free pages+free shipping sale.  It was the only way the book would be affordable.  And low and behold!!!  The Wednesday before I left this very sale was posted, and I stared at the screen debating if such a feat was possible as I had to catch a flight Saturday morning.  And I hadn't even started on the book, besides downloading the pictures.  So I went with it.  I had to choose between really cool Christmas gifts vs. pre-written (low stress) blog posts.  I chose the gifts.  

Leading up to the project I wasn't getting good sleep.  In 3 days I only had 15 hours of sleep.  Insomnia.  And I was groggy, my mind already cloudy before this crazy task.  I did it.  All 111 pages with heavy writing.  Many times looking down to see what I was writing, my fingers moving, not looking up at the screen.  And around 4 am that Saturday morning I finished, sending it off digitally to be made without any proof reading.  It was my little miracle.  And this crazy marathon made it possible to order 7 books, because the original price per book would have been $240.18, but the sale price brought each book down to about $30.  No kidding!!!

That's why I had to go for it.  And 3 of the books arrived in the mail the day I got back, and there's surprisingly very little mistakes!  I did leave one of my brothers off the cover, and I asked him in a round about way if he's okay with this, but he was totally chill about it.  I flipped through the book, reading bits here and there, and it's truly amazing it came together in 2 1/2 days.  I still hold to the fact that angels helped me.  I felt my Grandma Stufflebeam off and on throughout while I put this special family book together.

And to add to the below quote, Dieter F. Uchtdorf recently said, "It is your choices that show what you truly are, far more than your abilities."  I think this is also a Harry Potter quote.

Now on to what I originally wrote!!)

"My dear sisters, do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your tasks will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle."

~ Thomas S. Monson

I've been dealing with insomnia, and when I'm occasionally awake in the early morning hours I turn on the Mormon Channel app and select the talk radio live stream.  One morning there was a program playing different clips.  I heard the above quote and started crying.  Not being able to remember it correctly I scribbled on a note, "Pray for abilities equal to your tasks, you will be the miracle. Monson."

For a couple weeks I thought about this quote, the paraphrase, wondering about the complete context.  I recently found it, and it's from Monson's talk, "Three Goals to Guide You."

I'm actually writing this after being awake for nearly 23 hours straight while working on a project.  I'm shaking.  My mind is numb.  And yet, even in my fatigue I know I was being helped by angels.  When you pray in sincerity, willing to accept God's will, whatever that may be, miracles will happen.  No doubt.

Make the Happy Life

"Of this be sure: you do not find the happy life

. . . you make it."

~ Thomas S. Monson,

from Faces and Attitudes

I just finished reading the entirety of that linked article, Faces and Attitudes.  Didn't know it existed until now, searching the quote to find its origin.  Hit me in the heart.  Just what I needed.

We don't find the happy life.  We do have to make it.

And we can.

 

Living With Gratitude

"When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives.” ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

This morning I watched Thomas S. Monson's talk "The Divine Gift of Gratitude," which is where the two quotes in this blog post came.  A wonderful talk.  If I could copy and paste the whole thing I would.

We live in a World where so much is taken for granted.  There's tragedy, we all endure trials, but for the most part we have so much to be thankful, even in the hardest of times.  I get caught up with the "glass half empty" mantra.  When times are tough it's easy to view life through micro moments, instead of taking a step back and viewing everything as a whole, seeing the little things all together.

It seems lately I've been very blessed.  Blessed in that I've been given opportunities to travel.  This last year has been filled with highs and lows.  I've really struggled.  But overall I shouldn't complain.  I'm thankful.

So I hope this day, Thanksgiving, you can find all the many ways to be thankful.  That you're with family, and if not, you're with friends.

Happy Thanksgiving.

“The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life.  Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!” ~ Joseph F. Smith

Kind Words Will Always Matter

"Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient will remember them for a lifetime."

~ Thomas S. Monson

 

A nice Sunday sentiment.

The facetious part of me thinks, "A lifetime?  Really?"

 

I don't think it matters if the person we extend kindness towards remembers it for a lifetime or a moment. We'll never forget the way a person makes us feel, good or bad.  We have an impact on each other whether we like it or not.  Kind words and acts will always be important, they will always matter.

 

The Ups and Downs with New Years Resolutions

"To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility." ~ Thomas S. Monson

How are you guys doing with your New Years resolutions?

There are some I'm doing okay on and some I'm not.

But that's okay.

Sometimes I feel like I bite off more than I can chew, as the saying goes.  Setting myself up for failure.  But I think goals are important, regardless.  We need to aim for something and keep trying when we fall.

Writing a poem each week is something I've definitely faltered on, so I'm reevaluating that.  Overall I want to increase my writing in multiple writing fields, maybe even get myself published professionally.  That would be amazing.

I've already reached some of my walking goals.  With the Hogwarts Running Club they have the base six medals and a challenge medal at the end of the year that can represent any miles you wish.  Quidditch was a big theme last year, and a year ago this March they did an in house Quidditch match where I walked 60 miles in a week for the Gryffindors.  For the 2017 Challenge medal, in the shape of Quidditch goal hoops, I wanted to repeat this success.  At the end of January I did it, walked 60 miles in a weeks time.  Exhausting!  But all that walking does feel good.

And I'm over 100 miles for my 1000 miles goal, and have lost 6 1/2 pounds since the start of the year.  Not a huge weight loss, but it's something, and I'm refocusing my goals.  I need to get back to walking; I've slacked this last month. 

So don't give up!  Keep trying!

Everyday is a good day to start a new resolution, New Years or not.

The Passing of a Prophet, Thomas S. Monson

This morning I woke to text messages from family and friends about the passing of President Thomas S. Monson last night.  I was saddened by the news, but not surprised, as he's been suffering from health issues as of late.  Now he is with his beloved wife and at peace.

Early this afternoon, as I've been nursing a migraine, I decided to open up the BYUtv app on my Kindle to find shows to stream.  (Wonderful app, btw, and entirely free.)

I saw the category "Devotionals."  It's been such a longtime since I've watched one, and decided to find a devotional from when I attended BYU.  Newest to oldest first I went right to 2006, and there I found "Three Gates to Open" by Thomas S. Monson.

This speech, talking about the three gates (preparation, performance, and service) is beautiful.  Everything I love and miss about President Monson is there: His love of storytelling, wit, ability to tie lessons to life experiences, etc.  His talks are always wonderful, and thanks to technology we will always have them to watch over and over.

Honestly, I have no idea if I was there in person watching this devotional.  Wish I could remember!  I'd be surprised if I wasn't, just can't remember.  Ah!  But back in middle/high school sometime president Monson came to Central California to speak at regional conference.  I was in a small choir that practiced in Visalia, and on the Sunday he came we all drove up to Fresno to sing and hear him speak.

This was such a special experience.  He spoke in a sports arena of some sort, and in the back there was a banner hung up that read, "Be a Good Sport."  He saw that and based his entire talk on being a good sport.  And then before leaving he turned to us choir members and gave a wave.

I will always love President Monson.  What a wonderful, beautiful life he's lived.  He will always be missed.  But time is sort, and though parting is such sweet sorrow, this life is but a moment.  When this moment has passed we will once again be with those we love.

Without God

"Without God, a nation is Lost; people stumbling around In The Dark."

After seeing Valerian at the movie theater yesterday, and then chasing a butterfly (I really did, but only because my Mom was trying to get a picture), I stumbled across this sign.  Someone took the time to write it, neatly.  I know a lot of really good people don't believe in God, but even so I believe, for those of us who do believe, that we need to cling to God.  We need to stand with faith.  And because I am a woman of Faith, I do believe we have been led, as a Nation, by providence.  I'm aware of our imperfect past, that we've made mistakes, but overall this is a good Country.  A place of liberty and freedom, though that seems to be under attack.

I agree with this statement.  We need God, as a Nation, but also individually.  Though we also have the freedom not to believe, which is apart of our first amendment right.  For myself, I need God  because I truly believe there is one.  I believe in personal revelation.  That God is with us, and if we pray for guidance, in pure faith, and if it be his will, we can receive answers to our questions.  Though, when we walk by faith we must be willing to walk in the dark, our path only lit step by step.  When I go through periods when I don't feel close to God, I feel as if I'm stumbling in the dark.

“Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there” ~ President Thomas S. Monson

Pearls of Wisdom

Going through my file cabinet this last week I stumbled upon a folder full with cut out newspaper comics and scraps of paper with quotes scribbled on them.  I'd completely forgotten that I once had a cork board right behind my door where I pinned all these pearls of wisdom and scraps of humor.

It was all in the name of encouragement and motivation.

Henry David Thoreau: "You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment."  This was pinned on my board, but thanks to Google I just found the rest of the quote.  "Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land.  There is no other land; there is no other life but this."

Seeing this quote complete gives it so much more meaning.

The first part feels hallow now without the second.

"Hopes and desires often fail to materialize with many of us because we lack faith--the one great motivation force with makes all things possible." Howard W. Hunter

 "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go." ~ Author Unknown.  I've found great solace with this quote.

This next quote is great for college students

"I urge you to not take counsel of your fears.  I hope you will not say, 'I'm not smart enough to study chemical engineering; hence, I'll study something less strenuous.' 'I can't apply myself sufficiently well to study this difficult subject or in this comprehensive field; hence, I'll choose the easier way.' I plead with you to choose the hard way and tax your talents.  Our Heavenly Father will make you equal to your tasks.  If one should stumble, if one should take a course and get less than the 'A' grade desired, I hope such a one will not let it become a discouraging thing to him.  I hope that he will rise and try again." ~ Thomas S. Monson.

And with these quotes I had several cut out comics: Calvin and Hobbes, Non Sequitur, Get Fuzzy, and The Peanuts.

I also had a cut out of the Pass it On from Values.com with Kermit the Frog: "Eats Flies. Dates a Pig. Hollywood Star. Live Your Dreams, Pass it On."

Man, I feel like I've gotten so off track with my life.  I've been organizing my files to sort out projects and ideas, but I didn't realize how much finding my childhood, youth, teenage, young adult tidbits would effect me.  How much I've let some of my dreams and aspirations to slip.

Well, thinking of that guy from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "I'm not dead!" And that knight, "Tis but a scratch!"  Two different parts of the movie.  I need to see that movie again!  And now my thoughts are drifting.  How you watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail with the Shakespearean subtitles on?  It's impossible.

Don't Limit Yourself

"Don't Limit Yourself and don't let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do.  Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities.  You can achieve what you believe you can."

~ Thomas S. Monson

How to Have the Very Best Christmas Ever

"If we are to have the very best Christmas ever, we must listen for the sound of sandaled feet. We must reach out for the Carpenter’s hand. With every step we take in his footsteps, we abandon a doubt and gain a truth."

~ President Thomas S. Monson, 

from "The Best Christmas Ever"

No Failure is Final

"Our task is to become our best selves.  

 One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."

~ Thomas S. Monson

That Man Might Know the Glories of Creation

 "God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the Earth.  He left the rivers unbridged and the forests unfelled and the cities inbuilt.  God gives to man the challenge of raw materials, . . not the ease of finished things.  He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved . . . That man might know the joys and glories of creation."

~ Thomas S. Monson

 

Happy Birthday President Monson!

 (Holding the precious tickets in my hands.)

Last Friday was President Monson's Birthday Bash!  Okay, it wasn't like that, but when the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (or as we like to call in Utah "the Mo-Tab") is involved, it's pretty darn close! 

 (Everyone heading to the Conference Center wearing their Sunday best.)

There was a grand performance at the LDS Conference Center in SLC in President Thomas S. Monson's honor called "Golden Days: A Celebration of Life."  The choir sang Broadway musical hits, because, if you've listened to any of Brother Monson's talks, you'll quickly learn how much he loves show tunes and going to plays.  Apparently he's seen Annie in at least 11 different languages!  

Rebecca Luker, Stanford Olsen, and Dallyn Vail Bayles all sang, and Steve Young with Jane Clayson Johnson hosted.      

When Dallyn sang "Bring Him Home" from Les Miserables, we all gave him a standing ovation (the first of many).  It was the most beautiful rendition of the song I have ever heard. 

(Waiting for the show to start.)

I've been to a few performences at the Conference Center, and this, hands down, is my favorite of them all.

In the middle of the show they suddenly brought up the house lights and had everyone sing "Happy Birthday" to President Monson.  We were all so shocked!  But it was amazing.  He's 85 years young.

Happy Birthday President Monson!  May you have many more!

If you haven't seen the celebration, and would like to, the full performance is available to stream on the Mormon Tabernable Choir's website and at LDS.org.

Sarah