So, back in October I gave myself a Holiday Health Challenge. The goal was to not gain weight during the Holiday's and develop positive habits. Walk 3-6 miles a day, strength train 2-3 times a week, go to bed before 11:00 pm, drink lots of water, increase fiber/magnesium, and have one treat day a week. How successful was I? Well, it's been an interesting journey.
I didn't accomplish per say what I wanted. Towards the beginning I gained weight, more than I have in quite awhile, freaked out, got depressed, and then was able to lose that weight. As of a couple weeks ago I weighed where I did last October. Then I did something I should have done a long time ago. I put the scale in the cabinet and haven't weighed myself since. Around Christmas and these last few days I have had sweets, and I haven't a clue how it affected me.
Maybe this sounds reckless, but honestly it was needed, because I realized how much I was dependent on a number for self worth. It goes up, I binge on sweets out of frustration. I lose weight, and I eat sweets out of celebration. Stupid, I know! So stupid. But, dang, it's my addiction, and one I will conquer. How long will it take? I don't know, honestly. I've got ideas. Plans. But for now I'll keep those to myself.
Even though I didn't have the results these last few months I wanted, it was still good. I learned a lot. Verified that when I don't have sweets my heartburn and sugar swings stabilize. I don't feel nauseous between meals. And I've noticed that it's affecting my throat as well, which in turn is affecting my singing. If I can't give up sugar for my weight, somehow giving it up for my singing is proving crazy motivating. Sugar is just bad, period. It's such a vicious cycle.
What it comes down to is this: I want to feel good. Sugar, though nice in the moment, doesn't make me feel good in the long run. Around Thanksgiving I gave up sugar for a few weeks, and comparing how that felt verses what I've felt these last few days, focusing on that and not a number on a scale, has been really positive.
What are my goals this year? They will be ever developing. I love the symbolism of the whole New Year, New Decade and all that, but in the end the only way to be successful is to start new goals and reevaluate as time goes along. I complicate. I try to do way too much right out of the gate. So I'm letting that go. I'm changing the way I think about things. I'm changing the way I feel about myself, which is most important.
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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