The Frustrating Enneagram

At first glance this pattern may seem to belong to the Salem Witches of yore.

Nay, 'tis not so.

This is the Enneagram.  A 9 type personality system.

I first became aware of the Enneagram back in college over a decade ago, when I was obsessing over Myers-Briggs, a 16 type personality system.  Myers-Briggs made sense, though now I find it quite flawed thanks to the fact that it doesn't take ambiverts into account, throwing off much.  When it came to the Enneagram I took many tests, got different results, nothing felt right, so I gave up on it.

February of this year I decided to give the Enneagram another go.

(With everything said in this post, I don't claim to be an expert.

This is me dabbling around to make sense of things.)

History of the Enneagram

A part of what makes the Enneagram so frustrating is its history.  There's a smattery of information, mis-information, conflicting information, myths, lore, etc.  What's clear is that it's ancient, 2,000-3,000 or so years old.  The Babylons had something to do with it, perhaps.  All ancient religions show some ties or uses with it.  If you want to read further on the historical roots of the Enneagram there's more than enough information on the subject online.

Then there's the modern pioneers of the last hundred years: Gurdjieff, Ichazo, Naranjo, Don Riso and Russ Hudson, Palmer, the Fauvre's and their tritypes, etc.

There's so many ideas.  Different standards.  Some stick to the 9 type Enneagram core.  Others get into the wings.  Instinctual types.  Each book or webpage will contain slightly different information, terminology, definitions, which makes typing yourself rather difficult.

What is the Enneagram?

The idea behind the Enneagram is that there's 9 core types.  Everyone has a core.  Some believe a persons core continues to develop into their late twenties, and therefore typing shouldn't be done sooner.  Childhood trauma's can influence a persons core type that becomes fixed (I'm personally not entirely sure of this fact).  And from that point a persons wings (the types on either side), the lines of integration vs disintegration (the lines that move to and away from the core), and their levels of health can influence a persons actual personality.  So a Type One can pick up on type Nine and Two traits, and moves towards and away from Seven and Four.  Confused yet?  I'm really not explaining it well.

The core personality types are thus: Type 1 =  The Reformer, Type 2 = The Helper, Type 3 = The Achiever, Type 4 = The Individualist, Type 5 = The Investigator, Type 6 = The Loyalist, Type 7 = The Enthusiast, Type 8 = The Challenger, Type 9 = The Peacemaker.  I got this from Ruso and Hudson.  There's other titles given to these types.  Search "Enneagram" and click on "Images," and you'll see some of the different names, like how Four's are called individualist, but are also called creatives and romantics.

Along with the core types, there's 3 groupers for each type: Anger, Shame, Anxiety.  8,9,1 = Anger/rage triad.  2,3,4 = Shame triad.  5,6,7 = Anxiety/Fear triad.  And another grouping is Gut/instinct, Heart/Feeling, and Thinking triads.  Gut = 8,9,1.  Feeling = 2,3,4.  Thinking = 5,6,7.

Then there are the virtue and vices.

Vices: 1 (Anger/wrath), 2 (pride), 3 (vanity), 4 (envy), 5 (avarice), 6 (Fear/doubt), 7 (gluttony), 8 (lust), and 9 (sloth/comfort).

Virtues: 1 (Serenity/tolerance), 2 (humility), 3 (honesty/authenticity), 4 (gratitude/calmness/equanimity), 5 (non-attachment), 6 (courage), 7 (constancy/sobriety/patience), 8 (temperate/innocence), 9 (right action/engagement/discernment).

(AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!)

Why Testing For Your Enneagram Type is So Difficult

For the longest time I was mis-typing myself.

Different tests brought out different parts of myself.  There are several tests online, but I also picked up "Discovering Your Personality Type" by Riso and Hudson and took their RHETI test, and then took each test at the beginning of each section in their book "The Wisdom of the Enneagram."

The problem with these kind of tests is that you have to be completely honest with yourself.  You have to truly see yourself the way you are.  Your motivations.  How you react.  Etc.  And you have to be willing to get completely raw and deep.  No test can do this.  It's a truly painful process.

In terms of taking the tests I kept consistently coming out as a type Four, individualist.

The RHETI had me 24 points type Four, 22 points type Five, 19 points type One, and 17 points for both type Six and Two.  (Feeling triad = 51, Thinking Triad = 46, Instinctual Triad = 46).   So I believed I must be a Four.  It seemed to match.  But something always felt off.

I also took each mini test in the beginning of each type chapter in "The Wisdom of the Enneagram."  What's nice about these tests is that it focuses mainly on the individual type, whereas RHETI makes you choose either/or's between two types.  These results are from 6 months ago, so my scoring might be different now.  You can score between 0-75 points per type.  Type One = 49 points, type Two = 30 points, type Three = 37 points, type Four = 51 points, type Five = 47 points, type Six = 44 points, type Seven = 39 points, type Eight = 34 points, and type Nine = 39 points.  (Combined Instinct Score = 122, Combined Feeling Score = 118, Combined Thinking Score = 130.)

On one test I came out higher in the Feeling Triad and on another I came out higher in the Thinking Triad.

The Enneagram Journey is a Painful One

Like I stated above, you have to get raw and deep.

I wasn't seeing myself.  But I also wasn't being completely being honest with myself.

I'm not a core type Four.

I was mis-typing myself as a Four, for whatever reason.

As I dived in, it's when I started keenly looking at Vices/Virtues and Disintegration vs Integration that helped me nail down what my core type truly was.  Also, an "eyeopening" moment taking a character quiz test at Disney's California Adventure helped me realize my core type.  Leave it to the Mouse to help give me a rude-awaking.

The Moment I Realized I Was A Thinking Type, Not a Feeling Type

At California Adventure next to Disneyland you can find Beast's Library in the Animators Academy.  There you can take a test with these interactive books.  A series of questions will lead you to know what Disney character you're most like.  I was quietly taking the test when my Mom and brother Steven were standing right behind me, watching.  I got to the question where it asks, "Are you ruled by your passionate heart or your logical head?"  I was in the process of selecting "passionate heart" when both my Mom and Steven yelled, in unison, "Logical head!!!"  I paused then, selected what they exclaimed, and ultimately got Mulan.  But that made me think.  And I asked them about it later.  Steven said I overthink everything.  And I realized it was true.

I have other key moments when I realized I took the thinking approach over instinct and feeling.

When I was seven and in the school yard, I got in a rather interesting debate over which church was true.  This happened with another girl from another class, and as a Latter-Day-Saint I took the LDS doctrinal stance, the girl I was debating came across more evangelical, though could have been Catholic.  After the bell rang I was in a quandary.  I was getting baptized soon and I didn't know if my church was true!  There were other churches!  My World fell apart.  When I got home I had so many questions for my Mom.  She gave me good advice, told me to study and pray, ask questions, and that I'd know in my mind and heart what is true.  She had complete faith in me, and told me she would love me no matter what.  So I took the thinking way and studied.  Asked questions.  Keenly listened to sacrament talks and Sunday school.  And by the time I turned eight I knew in my mind, heart, and gut that the church was true and I was ready to make the baptismal covenant.  28 years later and I'm still rock solid.

When I was eight another big thing happened.  A new girl moved into our class.  She was being picked on, by my friends.  I told them I was going to go over and become friends with her.  They told me if I did they would bully and name call me as well.  Sad to say I didn't go over right then.  I went home and thought about it.  Asked my Mom questions.  Thought some more.  And realized I didn't want false friends and I didn't want to be apart of what my current friends were doing.  So the next day or so later I told my friends that I appreciated their friendship, but I was going to become friends with this other girl.  I walked over to the Eagles Nest, and the rest is history.  I was bullied and name-called, and it lasted a few years, but it went away.  And not once did I regret the choice, which probably made the bullying tolerable, because I choose it.

Then there was this other time in college while taking an Institute of Religion class that I answered a question, got into it, and the teacher paused then, studied me, and said, "You're a true intellect," and then went on to the next topic.  It kinda struck me, because I never saw myself as an intellect before that moment.

My Core Type

I'm a Five.

It took awhile, but I got there.

Thought for the longest time I was a four, contemplated type One for a few days, and even thought I might be a Six.  But Five is what I am.

It was studying the vices and virtues that helped me realize this.  My problem is avarice, not envy or jealousy.  Avarice from an enneagram, withdrawing perspective.  And then realizing that non-attachment is the ability to take a step back and see all sides.  Everything fell into place.  I feel the push and pull between Seven and Eight, which I never felt between One and Two.  Five makes sense, with a strong Four wing, though I pull from my Six wing as well.

Be Careful With Descriptions

Descriptions are meant to guide, but they are not absolutes.  And Descriptions change depending on the author.  It's a part of why typing is so frustrating.  The key to figuring out what your core is, is by stripping the Enneagram to its core to see the patterns.  Find where you are between virtue and vice, and the movement within the Enneagram.

We're a Little Bit Of Everything

My main goal is facing avarice.  That's my primary focus.

But that's one of the reasons I've come to like the Enneagram.  It's not all flowers and Roses.  There's a dark-side and an awareness that we have faults to work on.  If you truly want to experience the Enneagram, the best way is to use it for self-improvement.  Find what you need to do to get healthy, and the enneagram will give you clues and point you in the right direction.

Along with Five, I do see other types in me, and I believe the types you connect with can also have a healthy to unhealthy range.  It's important to get every bit of ourselves healthy.

What I See When I Look at the Enneagram

The Enneagram takes a 3-D perspective in my mind.  Being a 5w4 (Type 5 with a 4 wing), I sit at the bottom of the Enneagram looking up.  And with it I see discs.  Dots bouncing between lines.  My top disc is my 5 core with graphs of healthy to unhealthy aspects bouncing around, and multiple dots bouncing around between 4, 6, 7, and 8.  Then there's a second disc further below, which is where my One self sits, obscured, itself bouncing in a less influential way, and more discs sit, suspended, below that.

 

We're multifaceted individuals.  Richly complex.

Final Thoughts

The Enneagram is a journey, one that I think a person must be ready for, because it is such a painful/powerful experience that really has no point unless you're willing to make changes and grow.  It's also a deeply frustrating journey.  So many times I wanted to give up and throw it away.  There's value if you stick with it, but if you can't find your core, that's also okay.  The Enneagram isn't perfect but it does have value.  And it's a worthwhile tool.

So as I go through this journey I'm doing a few things to tackle avarice and how I deal with energy.  My brother Michael recommended the audible "The Art of Empathy" by Karla McLaren, which is fantastic.  I also have Cognitive Behavioral Therapy stuff I'm going to work through.  Don't want to mention these sources until I deem them good or not.  I also need to get out of my mind and into the real World, so there's a few things I'm going to do more of, like cooking.  I can follow a recipe well, but I don't like cooking because it's so "present."  I also want to get into nature more often, feel the sunshine.  And exercising will be good as well.

Any step in the right direction is a good step.

Some of the resources I've poked through: "Discovering You Personality Type" and "The Wisdom of the Enneagram" by Riso and Hudson, "The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge" by Beatrice Chestnut, "The Road Back to You" by Ian Morgan Cron, and "The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth" by Christopher L. Heuertz.  Many forum discussions on Personality Cafe.  Various websites and Youtube videos.  Happy searching.